Sanity is Boring Read online

  Regretfully, the Empty Mind album never came to fruition, but I think the lyrics still carry a resonant power that the album would have thrived on.

  So Young

  (never recorded)

  I look into a mirror, wipe the dust away,

  find the stranger staring back at me.

  It scares me to think what I have become

  So young...

  I face another day, wipe the tears away.

  Clear my head of the fog of my dreams.

  It hurts me to think this is all there is

  for me...

  My fears convince me all hope is gone.

  My lies will tell me there may be one

  relief for all the pain that hides inside.

  Escaping from the world I know,

  denying what my face will show,

  resisting the pressure to decide.

  I wait for resolution, fearing an end.

  See the results of my indecision.

  It helps me to compromise

  my pride...

  My fears convince me all hope is gone.

  My lies will tell me there may be one

  relief for all the pain that hides inside.

  Escaping from the world I know,

  denying what my face will show,

  resisting the pressure to decide.

  The Light

  (never recorded)

  A calm never before experienced.

  A peace I've never known.

  A comforting warmth inside

  All I see smiles back at me.

  My clouds have been swept aside.

  I drift into a quiet sleep

  Unbroken till the day.

  The sun no longer blinds me.

  I embrace the light today.

  All that has gone, all that has passed

  means little to me now.

  All I care about is how

  to keep this feeling alive.

  Is it I who have given her

  the blackness that once filled me?

  Or she who has given me

  the light that fills me now?

  Her smile has created mine.

  Her eyes, their eternal shine.

  Her gaze forgiving me

  for wasting so much time.

  Complete

  (never recorded)

  I gaze into the eyes of a child:

  Innocence and wonder,

  a world of possibilities

  floating in a pool of blue.

  Two-dimensional reality:

  all she sees is true.

  I hear the voice of the woman

  who has taken my name:

  love and understanding,

  grace and self-control.

  Tells me where she'll be standing

  as the years come and go.

  And I realize what I've been missing.

  I heard the cries, but I wasn't listening.

  The clouds roll in, but their lining's glistening,

  and I have never felt more complete.

  I see things from a new perspective:

  living and hopeful.

  Absence of pain.

  I cannot measure what is left to gain.

  And I realize what I've been missing.

  I heard the cries, but I wasn't listening.

  The clouds roll in, but their lining's glistening,

  and I have never felt more complete.

  Aftermath

  (never recorded)

  A flash of light, the shriek of tires,

  the world spins slowly in a ball of fire.

  This fragile existence I dared to prize

  is stolen right before my eyes.

  How did I dare to compromise?

  This life I've known

  for too short a time

  has broken every wall I've built.

  And the cruelest joke

  time plays on us all

  smiles behind eyes that are still.

  A world apart, a different time,

  the days disappear in the mist behind.

  Those broken dreams I dare to recall

  Are nightmares with no form at all

  that build an even greater wall.

  They cry “move on!”

  with worried stare

  but no underlying pain.

  They try to fill

  this empty heart,

  and reach a mind that is sane.

  Do they see what life has done to me?

  Do they feel the irony of its thievery?

  Do they realize my meaning died

  with the beauty I left behind?

  Do they feel, do they care at all?

  Do they wonder what it's like to fall

  so deep in love and deeper in pain

  from the surface I may never find?

  At the lowest point of a bottomless pit

  Deep in thought, alone I sit.

  This life's joy in untimely ends,

  its bitter irony, now sends

  a thought so hard to comprehend.

  But as I sit alone and cry

  and struggle to finally answer “WHY?”

  this thought, unbidden, is all I find

  telling me the world rejects my kind -

  every dream I've dared design,

  every wish I've kept confined,

  every thought that filled my mind

  destroyed in one foul moment of time

  leaving just this empty mind.

  Empty Mind

  (from Buffalo Fuel, reprinted by permission)

  A few steps and stops,

  looks around to see who watches,

  shakes his fist at the night.

  People cross the street and pass on the right.

  Brushes his filthy pants,

  wipes his dirty face with his dirty hands.

  Smiles to himself

  An empty mind, it's the perfect disguise.

  It hides him from the world.

  And he don't mind what they think of his kind,

  'cause he's got nothing to lose.

  Wasn't always this way.

  He still looks back, remembers the day

  when his whole world fell.

  Closes his eyes, he's got nothing to tell.

  Looking for something to eat:

  half-eaten piece of bread at his feet.

  Smiles as he chews.

  An empty mind, it's the perfect disguise.

  It hides him from the world.

  And he don't mind what they think of his kind,

  'cause he's got nothing to lose.

  Cool air tonight,

  newspaper makes it alright.

  Thoughts drift away,

  he made it through another day.

  Tomorrow's near,

  but inside he doesn't care.

  Smiles as he sleeps.

  Section Three:

  Family Verse

  Since my days with Random Sample, I have been admittedly less prolific in my poetry. I have been focusing on other writing efforts, including a completed novel (working again with my guitarist and creative muse, Dave Ruzzo) several short stories, articles, copywriting and ghostwriting assignments.

  But, I have managed to complete a handful of poems that I feel are worth saving and sharing. They range in tone and subject matter, and help distill an idea of where I am these days emotionally.

  I think the overall picture is more stable than it was fourteen years ago when the oldest poem in this collection was written, but some of those old fears are still present and accounted for.

  But isn't that really the human experience? Aren't we all just struggling in different ways with the same basic problems and fears over and over again?

  And isn't that why we come to poetry? To allow the poet's unique view on a universal truth or feeling to further illuminate our own?

  I know that, consciously or unconsciously, that is why I write poetry, and why I continue to find it to be the truest of all the forms of writ
ing I engage in. No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to match with prose the pure-hearted justice of words that shed light on ideas as I do in verse.

  I hope you enjoyed this purge from fourteen years of sweat and tear-soaked creativity.

  -- Justin P Lambert

  Afternoon Nap

  Quiet light filtering in

  through lace-capped panes of glass

  A puddle spilling silently

  across hardwood floor boards

  A tiny hand making shadow puppets,

  graceful arm swan-necked, quacking

  Dust spinning in whirlpools of invisible

  currents, mottling the pond

  That was not there.

  My daughter smiles with sleepy eyes

  as her hand mouths the sounds

  A floating menagerie

  in light and shadow

  Her dreams beginning early

  as her body battles the darkness

  Unbroken animals call filling the space

  between waking and sleep,

  As daylight fades.

  Dust ebbs and flows around

  a perfect arm floating south

  Her eyes slowly draw the blinds

  on what is left of daylight

  And her dreams continue behind

  closed eyes, mind drifting

  On that invisible pond, swan pulling

  her further below the surface

  And she sleeps.

  As My Wife Reads the Reader's Digest Aloud

  She reads of teachers, incompetent, racist,

  Paid for years by tax payers’ money,

  Unwilling, unable to teach for their own

  Empty heads and hearts.

  She laughs that sad laugh, knowing our children

  Will soon enough Feel the icy

  showered baptism of man’s schooling,

  Not knowledge, facts.

  She reads of signs, slaughtered English,

  Printed reasons for foreign views

  Of America the Beautiful,

  The tired, the poor, the nescient.

  She sits quiet as the magazine

  Mellows in to a less chaotic thought train,

  Its passions subdued behind higher word count,

  Meanings filtered, stretched

  And I filter my own written words

  Through years of life unlived,

  Days of hours lost, of minutes squandered,

  And wish only to crystallize the sound

  Of thoughts shooting through fingertips

  To keys then to cursor, then back again,

  To linger a quiet moment inside

  Empty heads and hearts.

  The August Air Cooling Too Early

  Lazy breezes shift the leaves

  Their softer bottom side reflecting

  Sunlight dripping through thinning trees

  Autumn falls upon us too early every year

  We step outside with shorts and t-shirts,

  Skin goose-fleshed by cool exhalations

  Of October in August

  The midday siesta abandoned

  I came home today

  The product of a canceled appointment

  A postponed punishment

  Seeking the solace of a patio fire

  But as the flames died,

  Their faltering embers smoking a dense fog,

  The August air punished me again

  For insolence and solitude revisited.

  Elixir

  Should I confine

  In drops of time

  The gifts received and undeserved

  It would, I think

  Comprise a drink

  To quench the fiercest thirst

  To satiate

  And fill the plate

  Of the most insatiable appetites

  To gently sting

  And spread my wings

  To lift on borrowed wind, to flight

  May I recall

  Before I fall

  The liquid that bubbled life

  And heartily share

  That blessed snare

  The devoted warden formed, my wife

  I Have Struggled

  I have struggled

  I have broken the back of my flaw

  I have realized the need

  I have ignored the reality

  I have opened the door to what is left

  I have never been so afraid in my life of something I can not understand or explain

  I will thrive

  I will continue to absorb the energy

  I will open my mind

  I will close my eyes

  I will hope for the best in the worst

  I will never require more than my own best efforts can give me and I am sorry

  Can you love?

  Can you forgive and forget?

  Can you remember the feeling?

  Can you cherish the thought?

  Can you keep me in your heart forever?

  Can you ever forgive this empty hole I have left in your expectations?

  I have struggled

  I will continue to remember

  Can you cherish the memory?

  I have ignored your feelings

  I will hope for a resolution in calm

  Can you respect a man who has done his best

  to put the past behind him?

  Loud Inside

  Leave me alone with my thoughts

  For a moment, no more

  Lest I begin to believe all the messages

  Caught behind my mind’s door

  Whisperings in languages

  I wish I did not understand,

  Screaming obscenities and frozen silences

  Washing through time’s dripping sand.

  Making me believe the unbelievable

  Forcing me to see the invisible

  Helping me develop a healthy loathing

  For the one who is responsible.

  So leave me alone to work this out

  But rescue me before I breathe

  Or you may never hear my answer,

  Drowned by the darkness beneath.

  Thank you so much for downloading “Sanity is Boring!”

  If you'd like a second book for free, simply come to my website and let me know:

  https://justinplambert.wordpress.com/free-book