Sanity is Boring Read online



  Sanity is Boring

  Verse and Prose From an Interesting Mind...

  By Justin P Lambert

  All poems and commentary in this volume is copyrighted 1994-2008 by Justin Lambert with the exception of the items listed below:

  “Perception”, copyright 1997, Justin Lambert and Travis Smith

  “The Gate”, copyright 1996, Justin Lambert and David Ruzzo

  “Empty Mind”, copyright 1996, David Ruzzo, reprinted by permission

  The lyrics reprinted here, with the exception of those noted as “never recorded,” can be found in their completed form within the following albums:

  “Made From Nothing”, copyright 1995 by Random Sample

  “Buffalo Fuel”, copyright 1996 by Random Sample

  “Three Months in the Bassment”, copyright 1997 by Random Sample

  “Space Monkeys”, copyright 1998 by Random Sample

  This publication, copyright 2008 by Justin P Lambert

  Thank you for downloading this ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to your favorite ebook retailer to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

  Table of Contents

  Section One: High School Verse

  Section Two: Random Sample Lyrics

  Section Three: Family Verse

  Thank you so much for downloading “Sanity is Boring!”

  If you'd like a second book for free, simply come to my website and let me know:

  https://justinplambert.wordpress.com/free-book

  Section One:

  High School Verse

  I have enjoyed writing poetry for as long as I've been able to write at all.

  I feel the pull to crystallize an emotion, a thought or an image in black and white.

  I get a lot of satisfaction from seeing the image come to life as the words I used to imprison it set it free over and over again.

  In this section, you will read some of my earliest works of any enduring value. I will not pretend to consider them great poems. But what they are is the frozen essence of who I was in 1994 and 1995, my Junior and Senior year in High School. When girls and grades and parents and money and God swirled around a hormone-drugged brain with the subtlety of a cement truck.

  Perhaps you can sympathize...

  -- Justin P Lambert

  As a Child

  All I need to know,

  I learned as a child.

  Secure and happy

  and worry-free.

  When all people looked the same.

  When differences didn't matter.

  When responsibility came slow,

  but fun was always around the corner.

  When parents held hands and laughed.

  When days lasted forever,

  and nights weren't so long.

  That is when I was truly happy.

  That is why maturity begins late

  for those of us who really live.

  If It Were Up to Me

  If it were up to me,

  which it's not, but if it were,

  I'd rid the world of classes,

  all are equal, all confer.

  Distinctions held, distinctions made,

  would all come to an end.

  And every man, woman and child,

  would be treated as a friend.

  But as I said, it's not for me

  to make such a decision.

  And even if I could, I bet,

  they'd hold me in derision.

  So let them laugh, let them hurt

  and maim and kill each other.

  What do I care? I'm not involved

  in the killing of a brother.

  I doubt the world is listening

  but I'll say it just in case:

  If that's the way it has to be,

  I quit the human race.

  The Sheltered Child

  The over-protective parent will

  produce the sheltered child,

  whose boring rhythmic heartbeat still

  will not let him run wild.

  Or lift his voice in angry cries

  behind what he believes in.

  But will make him believe the lies,

  as told by politicians.

  Like breaking down a weakened wall,

  They break the innocent man,

  so nobody can heed his call

  for some kind of helping hand.

  Something soon will open his mind,

  will rearrange the order,

  so all that has learned, he'll find,

  breeds heartache and disorder:

  For everyone may have a gun,

  an unattractive truth,

  “but sinners have more charms to soothe

  the restless dreams of youth.”

  And all is seen through the child's

  sheltered, tear-stained eyes.

  As the innocent man runs wild,

  seeking escape, he flies.

  And finds in the solace of a gun

  the answers he could not find

  and a silence he has finally won

  from the world he's left behind.

  Rejected

  Rejected by an action,

  emotions under test,

  killed by half of what you said,

  angered by the rest.

  Slip inside a comfort zone,

  no feelings, not a word,

  Nothing left to magnify

  what I have seen and heard.

  Unspoken words will fester,

  in my treacherous heart.

  My mind attempts to keep it numb:

  war lost at the start.

  When the feelings disappear,

  all that stays is hate,

  a virus killing from within,

  undesirable fate.

  Trying not to blame myself,

  trying not to blame you.

  I see it falls on both of us.

  A fact rejected; proved true.

  Mystery Unsolved

  Too real to ignore, too far to yet see,

  too fast to decide what's between you and me.

  With glimpses and smiles, a laugh or a word,

  so swiftly it passes, leaves me half-reassured.

  Yet it is enough to keep me involved,

  my questions unanswered, mystery unsolved.

  I watch from a distance, I question my heart.

  Out of fear of its ending, I may not let it start.

  It is once, maybe twice, in a lifetime so long,

  that too people unite with love's bond so strong.

  But is this that once? I can't tell, I won't try.

  Who am I to decide what's between you and I?

  In times of uncertainty, in areas of gray,

  I wonder where reality meets mind games we play.

  For if I can't trust what is warring inside,

  how can I trust you? My hands are tied.

  But it is no fault of yours. I refuse to blame you.

  You cannot know how hard it is to know what to do.

  I will leave it within, my questions unresolved,

  my decisions undecided, the mystery unsolved.

  Understanding

  I know at one time, you truly loved me.

  I wish I could return there,

  and show you how you've changed through time,

  always moving, getting nowhere.

  I shared a section of my life.

  I wish I could remind you

  of memories locked under shadow.

  My gifts: no one to give to.

  In time
I'm sure I will forget.

  I wish the pain would leave me,

  and let me live my life again,

  accepting you don't need me.

  What I need now is understanding.

  I wish you understood me.

  You'd see that all I wanted was

  whatever made you happy.

  What you need now is time to feel.

  I wish I understood you.

  The girl I fell in love with then

  is not the way I see you.

  I don't understand...

  Section Two:

  Random Sample Lyrics

  In late 1993, as I was finishing up High School and considering what my seemingly limitless future might hold, I stumbled across a tremendous creative outlet that would serve to ease me through those awkward final years of adolescence with a feeling of deep satisfaction and accomplishment.

  I joined a band.

  Dave Ruzzo, a family friend who I only knew in passing at the time, played guitar, and was looking for musicians who could match his passion and dedication to the craft. I played the drums, annoying my parents who only put up with me because they knew there was some real talent there.

  When my Dad told Dave he should jam with me, he laughed it off because I was only 16 at the time, and he was 26. But since he was persistent, Dave decided to invite me over to get my Dad off his back. He handed me a tape with four songs on it and told me to learn them cold before I arrived.

  I did.

  The songs were not difficult, but they were fun to play:

  Alone Again by Dokken

  18 and Life by Skid Row

  Little Suzi by Tesla and

  Operation Mindcrime by Queensryche

  When I got to Dave's house, his expectations were low. But from the opening cymbal flourishes of Alone Again to the closing bass triplets of Mindcrime, I had those songs down solid, and it blew him away.

  I'm sure it was primarily the fact that he didn't expect me to have bothered learning them, because I've never been a spectacular drummer, but I'm competent, and I was probably a little ahead of my age group at that point in my life.

  So, we immediately began planning our next jam session, and he put out feelers for a bass-player who could fill out our sound. Before we got back together to play the additional six songs we added to our playlist, he had recruited Jason Baczynski, a jazz-trained bass guitarist with musical tastes that fell right in with Dave's and mine.

  We gelled immediately and started on our path toward world domination.

  Over the next 18 months, we solidified a list of over 40 cover songs ranging from the original '80's power ballads we started with, through the entire first Van Halen album and on to Rush's 2112 in its entirety before beginning to noodle around with original works.

  I was thrilled to start bringing my pen into the work because I still loved to write, and I had been experimenting with verse during my Junior year in High School. With “Betrayed,” I began a new stage in my writing life, eventually producing 22 original lyrics that appeared on four different self-recorded albums over the next three years.

  The lyrics were nearly always autobiographical, although I remember insisting at the time that they were not. Looking back at them now, I can see some recurring themes that define where I was at that stage of my life: concern over the future and how my decisions would affect it; an almost paralyzing fear of regret; the search for love and companionship; the desire for independence mixed with the fear of being alone.

  Some of the love songs were purely fictional, especially early on, but they were idealistic pictures of what I was hoping for. Later lyrics touched closer to reality. For instance, “Closer” was a message directly to a girl I dated briefly only to realize she had further to grow. And “Reality in Dreams” ended up being the song I sang to my bride on our wedding day before our first dance. She had those words inscribed on the inside of my wedding band.

  In all these cases, their therapeutic value aside, writing these lyrics was just plain fun. It got the raw feelings out as effectively as published poetry would have, but with the softening improvement of really great musical accompaniment.

  We never truly pursued making anything of our musical career, and we all ended up getting married in 1998, making “Space Monkeys” our final album as life got in the way. But what remains is an enduring and fun record of those formative years when I needed a creative outlet and Dave and Jason helped provide that for me.

  -- Justin Lambert

  Betrayed

  (from “Made From Nothing”)

  I opened myself, you let me get closed down.

  Reassured myself, you broke all my confidence.

  I emptied myself, you filled me with your lies.

  I wasted myself, you threw away the rest.

  Permissive, submissive, I followed where you led.

  Obedient, and lenient,

  never questioned what you said

  Confused, abused, I just accepted it as fact.

  Never knew that I was being betrayed.

  I blamed myself, you left me no choices.

  Justified myself, you tore me back down.

  I caved into myself, you piled more on my back.

  I gave into myself, you accepted my surrender.

  Permissive, submissive, I followed where you led.

  Obedient, and lenient,

  never questioned what you said

  Confused, abused, I just accepted it as fact.

  Never knew that I was being betrayed.

  I've regained myself, don't need you anymore.

  Reassured myself, I don't care what you say.

  I've fought myself, you won't win this battle.

  I've found myself. I will not be betrayed.

  Permissive, submissive, I followed where you led.

  Obedient, and lenient,

  never questioned what you said

  Confused, abused, I just accepted it as fact.

  Never knew that I was being betrayed.

  I Know

  (from “Made From Nothing”)

  Oh... I think I finally know what you have done.

  Oh... I feel I feel you know where I come from.

  Oh... You cannot sit back expecting my support.

  Oh... When you took this step you left me on my own.

  And I feel and I feel it

  It is burning inside

  And I know and I know it,

  the pain I cannot hide.

  Oh... I know

  Yeah... I know

  Oh... I never thought that it would come to this.

  Oh... I realize the signs that I had missed.

  Oh... If you'd give me one more chance, I'd make it right.

  Oh... But you can't, you've fallen in too deep and-

  And I feel and I feel it

  Deep in my mind

  And I know and I know it

  It's the words I cannot find.

  Oh... I know

  Yeah... I know

  Oh... I don't know why I trusted you at all.

  Oh... I should've known you'd have me take the fall.

  Oh... You will soon regret the choice that you have made.

  Oh... Don't come crawling back to me again you-

  And I feel and I feel it

  I am not to blame

  And I know and I know it

  I know I have cleared my name.

  Looking Back

  (from “Made From Nothing”)

  Rest my weary head;

  nothing need be said;

  end a tiring day.

  Silence I don't mind;

  words seem hard to find

  when nothing is left to say.

  The choices I have made

  The price that I have paid

  They look me in the eye,

  I start to wonder why,

  then it all fades away.

  Now I'm looking back.

  Where did I get off track?

  How cou
ld I let this go?

  Was this a fault of mine?

  Where did I cross the line?

  Maybe I'll never know.

  The choices I have made

  The price that I have paid

  They look me in the eye,

  I start to wonder why,

  then it all fades away.

  I lift my head again,

  a new day to begin.

  A smile I'll try to fake.

  Someone might still see through,

  look back and wonder too.

  That's just the risk I'll have to take.

  Questions

  (from “Buffalo Fuel”)

  When you look into my eyes,

  Can you see the pain?

  I wish I could feel numb again.

  If I leave myself alone,

  feel I'm drifting slow.

  Never felt insane. You don't know.

  You don't understand it's how I am.

  I will try to teach you if I can.

  All my dreams are whispered in my mind.

  Unanswered questions are all I find.

  Confusion clouds my judgment.

  Hear the falling rain.

  I wish I could know: Am I sane?

  If I leave myself alone,

  fear will fill my dreams.

  Nothing really is what it seems.

  You don't understand it's how I am.

  I will try to teach you if I can.

  All my dreams are whispered in my mind.

  Unanswered questions are all I find.

  When you look into my eyes

  Can you see the pain?

  You don't understand it's how I am.

  I will try to teach you if I can.

  All my dreams are whispered in my mind.

  Unanswered questions are all I find.

  If I leave myself alone,

  will I be insane?

  Soothe

  (from “Buffalo Fuel”)

  Awakened from a sleepless night,

  holding onto shadow.

  Lift my eyes high to the sun.

  Wearing faces no one knows,

  lying to the mirror.

  Innocence has left us on the run.

  Every day is growing longer,

  every night reveals the truth:

  Pressure on a mind is stronger,

  nothing in this world will soothe.

  Lifting substance from its shadow,

  feeling incomplete.

  Hoping all this pain will end,

  Wanting to resist the pressure.

  Knowing I know nothing,

  never find on what it will depend.

  Every day is growing longer,

  every night reveals the truth:

  Pressure on a mind is stronger,

  nothing in this world will soothe.

  Every day is growing longer,

  every night reveals the truth:

  Pressure on a mind is stronger,

  nothing in this world will soothe.