Sanity is Boring Read online

On Our Own (Chester's Song)

  (from “Buffalo Fuel”)

  I can drift away,

  never find me on my own.

  Let the world go by and never ride me.

  On my own, they'd never find me.

  On my own.

  I can choose the course,

  open doors inside, on my own.

  Keep on pretending that I'm satisfied.

  On my own, feel something's missing:

  I'm alone.

  I've reconciled myself to the past

  I know that what's done is gone

  but the memories last.

  I've been hurt before and I know

  I'm probably safer on my own.

  I can feel the emptiness fill my life,

  it's scaring me.

  What do I need?

  Only you.

  Then I see your face,

  hold you near me, on our own.

  See the tears you cried only for me.

  On our own, is this forever?

  On our own.

  And I know your light

  shines on all I see in my life.

  Illuminating all that I will be.

  On our own, as one forever,

  never alone.

  I can feel what you feel for me.

  It comes through in all you say

  and all you do for me.

  This love I feel is

  more than I've ever known.

  Just to know that I'll never have to

  face this world alone.

  It's all I need.

  It's you.

  On our own, as one forever,

  never alone.

  My Mask

  (from “Buffalo Fuel”)

  See my face,

  the mask hides what is inside:

  Fear and pain.

  The memories collide:

  Left alone,

  my own worst enemy.

  Mind is locked.

  No one to hold the key.

  Disguise that hides a bitter soul.

  Reluctant actor in a bitter role.

  Cry for help – a useless task.

  Easier to hide behind my mask.

  See my heart,

  the warm beat has turned cold.

  The feelings

  are best left untold.

  Trapped inside a broken mind,

  the only exit left behind.

  Cry for help – a useless task.

  Easier to hide behind my mask.

  Trapped inside a broken mind,

  the only exit left behind.

  Cry for help – a useless task.

  Easier to hide behind my mask.

  Honesty

  (from “Buffalo Fuel”)

  Disguise the truth in lies,

  feel it eat into your mind.

  Soon you realize

  all you value is left behind.

  You hide yourself behind

  a wall of insecurity.

  Then only to find

  the truth has lost its purity.

  You fight the constant fright

  of being exposed for all to see.

  What you know is wrong seems right.

  Forget about your honesty.

  Read between the lies.

  Open up your eyes and see:

  Honesty

  Return to what you learned,

  had to cover your mistake.

  You find the trust you earn

  justifies the risk you take.

  But you must follow through,

  find yourself supporting lies.

  And when you lose the truth

  someone's bound to realize.

  Read between the lies.

  Open up your eyes and see:

  Honesty

  Concealing all you feel,

  how can you escape from you?

  Forgotten what is real,

  one thing left that you can do.

  You lied, so you decide -

  only one thing can set you free:

  Undo the knot you tied -

  reach inside for honesty.

  Recollection

  (from “Three Months in the Bassment”)

  Returning to an open door

  left behind so long ago.

  Hope to find something more

  than the struggle I've come to know.

  Turn the pages of an ancient book

  to a chapter of my past.

  All taken in with one last look

  so the memories will last.

  And I remember

  when tears of sorrow blurred my eyes.

  And I remember

  a stormy sea of compromise.

  They last forever

  no matter what you decide.

  They last forever.

  Review decisions I have made

  and ones I chose to ignore.

  The foundation has been laid.

  I know what's in store.

  Is there a balance to be found

  between the past and what's ahead?

  Only lessons learned from failures

  sweep clean the path we tread.

  And I remember

  when tears of sorrow blurred my eyes.

  And I remember

  a stormy sea of compromise.

  They last forever

  no matter what you decide.

  They last forever.

  Reality in Dreams

  (from “Three Months in the Bassment”)

  It's been a long time.

  There's a lot that I regret.

  The empty moments

  as years go by.

  Nothing scares me more

  than looking back in fear.

  Sometimes the past is all I see.

  But what's behind is only half of me.

  And I need you now.

  And I need to feel.

  You lift me up somehow.

  You show me what is real.

  You've been on my mind,

  part of everything I see.

  Filling empty spaces

  with reality in dreams.

  Never been so open,

  never trusted anyone.

  Sometimes the past is all I see.

  But you can no the other side of me.

  And I need you now.

  And I need to feel.

  You lift me up somehow.

  You show me what is real.

  With all that life can give,

  the risk I have to take

  is just to trust in you.

  The memories will fade.

  And I need you now.

  And I need to feel.

  You lift me up somehow.

  You show me what is real.

  Perception

  (from “Three Months in the Bassment”)

  As time passes slowly

  our fate changes hands,

  leaving only questions:

  Where do we all stand?

  Whispers reassure me.

  Try to understand.

  So far away,

  so close, yet all just reflections of you.

  Things can change so easily:

  all you know, all you feel, all you see.

  All just a matter of perception:

  what you knew, what you felt, what will be.

  Through the eyes of the eagle

  the end is seen from the start.

  Soaring ever higher

  the best sight can depart.

  As the blind lead the blind

  we listen to our heart.

  Coping with change:

  life rearranged by reflections of you.

  Things can change so easily:

  all you know, all you feel, all you see.

  All just a matter of perception:

  what you knew, what you felt, what will be.

  Reason won't escape me.

  All fear falls away.

  Not scared of perception -

  why push it away?

  Look f
orward to tomorrow

  for change occurred today.

  So far away,

  so close, yet all just reflections of you.

  The Gate

  (from “Three Months in the Bassment”)

  A maze of reason

  so close, yet out of sight.

  A nest of nothing

  so dark within the light.

  Behind the yes

  and no of children's eyes,

  inside the gate of maybe

  where the answer lies...

  I think I don't know.

  I'm sure I might.

  All reason escapes me.

  I'm sure I'm right.

  Big city crying for change,

  crying baby always the same:

  Organized confusion in my mind.

  Crowded empty spaces

  between wrong and right.

  Soaring ever higher

  on a grounded flight.

  Cannot find warmth

  in the blazing sun.

  No rest for the weary,

  my sleep's undone.

  I think I don't know.

  I'm sure I might.

  All reason escapes me.

  I'm sure I'm right.

  Big city crying for change,

  crying baby always the same:

  Organized confusion in my mind.

  Closer

  (from “Three Months in the Bassment”)

  Leave behind you remnants of your past.

  Don't keep wanting what is gone to last.

  Never question a test already passed.

  It's what you make of it.

  What you want it to be.

  It's your reality.

  You've come closer,

  but you're looking back at the past.

  Come closer, you will see.

  Let me follow, keep me in your sight.

  My road fades from view as day turns into night.

  All is lost now but I will always fight.

  It's what I make of it.

  What I want it to be.

  It's my reality.

  You've come closer,

  But you're looking back at the past.

  Come closer, you will see.

  Just one moment: frozen point in time.

  Many meanings, so hard to define,

  changing forever the immature mind.

  It's what we make of it.

  What we want it to be.

  It's our reality.

  You've come closer,

  but you're looking back at the past.

  Come closer, you will see.

  Trust

  (from “Space Monkeys”)

  I see it in the faded smile.

  I hear it in the silent cries.

  I feel it when you shake your head and sigh.

  When all your words are touched by pain,

  doubt shadows all you say and do,

  and all that is not proven true's a lie.

  Now I cry your tears.

  I'm woken by your fears.

  Because I've done all I can do

  to prove that what I've said is true.

  As a wave that crashes into land

  and gently tries to wash away the sand.

  Disguised behind the moment's laugh.

  Hidden in your island home.

  It's never meant to see the light of day.

  But all you see and hear and feel

  and all you want and need to know

  is clouded by a trust you can't repay.

  Now I cry your tears.

  I'm woken by your fears.

  Because I've done all I can do

  to prove that what I've said is true.

  But as a wave crashing into land,

  I'll never fully wash away the sand.

  In Song

  (from “Space Monkeys”)

  Strange how I've seen what I want in life.

  Today I'm free.

  What is this feeling?

  It's been so long,

  I've been so wrong.

  My life immortalized in song,

  and I can't see the end.

  Raise the pen, raise the sword,

  lock myself inside a door

  that opens on an empty room

  and all that's left inside is gloomy

  memories of what is gone and what will never be.

  I write the key and all I have to do

  is read back what I find to be the truth.

  Life is what I make of it

  and I want to live.

  What is the meaning?

  Eye on the past

  though it won't last,

  my mind immortalized in song

  and I see no beginning.

  Raise the pen, raise the sword,

  lock myself inside a door

  that opens on an empty room

  and all that's left inside is gloomy

  memories of what is gone and what will never be.

  I write the key and all I have to do

  is read back what I find to be the truth.

  What is this feeling?

  Contentment seems to be a dream.

  My words add strength to how I feel

  but they may be misguided.

  What is the reason?

  Was I so blind I could not find

  the good in every single day?

  Are we all so short-sighted?

  When life is only yesterdays

  and all else seems to fade away

  it's easy to forget how good your life can be

  and let it turn to gray.

  The memories you make today

  determine what tomorrow soon will bring.

  Your life is just a choice,

  so make the best one.

  Inside it Burns

  (from “Space Monkeys”)

  What more do they want from me?

  I've given all I can.

  What more can they ask of me?

  I'm only a man.

  They can't see behind my eyes.

  It's killing me inside.

  They can't see inside my head.

  That's where I'll hide.

  It's only been a short time since I opened up my eyes.

  And now you wonder why I can't smile?

  It's inside me for so long.

  Trying to do right when everything's wrong.

  Is this worth it?

  Should I care?

  They don't know me.

  It's not fair.

  I'm afraid to know the truth,

  to find out who I am.

  The image in the mirror

  is scaring me again.

  It's as if I'm powerless

  to act on how I feel.

  The image in the mirror

  can't be real.

  It's been a long time since I opened up my heart.

  And now you wonder why I don't cry?

  It's inside me for so long.

  Trying to do right when everything's wrong.

  Is this worth it?

  Should I care?

  They don't know me.

  It's not fair.

  I am only one man.

  The world will slowly turn.

  I can keep composure

  while inside it burns.

  And all that surrounds me

  looks to me for change.

  But all that's inside me

  always seems the same.

  It's only been a short time since I opened up my eyes.

  And you wonder why I can't smile?

  It's inside me for so long.

  Trying to do right when everything's wrong.

  Is this worth it?

  Should I care?

  They don't know me.

  It's not fair.

  Discover

  (from “Space Monkeys”)

  Moments pass away to days,

  days to weeks within me.

  My head is filled with confidence,

  my heart with doubt.


  I need to discover which it is that satisfies me.

  Am I oblivious to all that surrounds me?

  Have I placed the pedestal too high?

  I need to discover where the blame lies.

  Violently peaceful silence tears apart my ears.

  And I hear you singing.

  Never has so much inside me hid behind my tears.

  And I hear you crying.

  What was there remains

  and what will be is open.

  What is gone comes back in flood

  from time to time.

  I need to discover where all my past was leading me.

  Confined in hopes and dreams

  and wishes made in secret.

  My heart relieved my mind

  of fears I could not see.

  I need to recover my past from me.

  Violently peaceful silence tears apart my ears.

  And I hear you singing.

  Never has so much inside me hid behind my tears.

  And I hear you crying.

  Freedom

  (never recorded)

  Demanded my freedom from you.

  Trusted in wrong motives.

  Been poured out upon the stones.

  The empty glass is thrown in the fire.

  Know what you think of me,

  know what you want to see.

  Wish my strength was within.

  This is what it is to be free.

  Disguised my dependence on you.

  Reached inside for hope.

  Clutching on threadbare heartstrings,

  the tightrope across the ravine.

  Know what you feel for me,

  know who I have to be.

  Wish my strength was within.

  This is what it is to be free.

  Deprived of my freedom from you.

  Returning in shame.

  Must coil up within myself,

  the shell protects me again.

  Know what you think of me,

  know what you want to see.

  Wish my strength was within.

  This is what it is to be free.

  Know what you feel for me,

  know who I have to be.

  Wish my strength was within.

  This is what it is to be free.

  This is what it is... I am free.

  The lyrics that follow require a brief explanation to fully understand them and their relation to each other.

  The original song, “Empty Mind” was written by Dave and appeared on our “Buffalo Fuel” album. It is a straight-forward rock song, and stood on its own merits quite well. But the lyrics always hit me as a very interesting piece of a story, so I decided to explore the rest of the story, and the following lyrics are the result of that exploration.

  I proposed a concept album designed to tell the story of the individual glimpsed in “Empty Mind.”

  The story begins with the main character alone and depressed. (“So Young”). Then, he meets the love of his life (“The Light”) and finds fulfillment in his growing family, (“Complete”). But, tragedy strikes in the form of a deadly car accident, and his tenuous connection to reality crumbles under the weight of his grief, (“Aftermath”). This song builds to a crescendo as he makes his decision to abandon his normal life and live as a homeless person others will view as crazy. (“Empty Mind”).

  These lyrics would have been interspersed with complex musical interludes to bring the listener along for the emotional ride, as listed below:

  1. Empty (an instrumental prelude)

  2. So Young

  3. The Darkest Dawn (an instrumental transition)

  4. The Light

  5. Complete

  6. Time and Unforeseen Occurrence (an instrumental interpretation of the accident.)

  7. Aftermath

  8. Empty Mind (the original song with minor variations to connect to the other pieces musically.)